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Thursday, February 9th, 2006
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Okay so I normally don't write in these things mainly because no one reads them and why put stuff in writing that you don't want others to read? First and foremost, I have two weeks before I ship out. I'm leaving my life as I know it behind, I have a lover, someone who makes my heart beat faster, hopefully someone who will help keep me sane. Why am I so scared? Mostly because it's the biggest change that I have ever taken in my life. I am taking that first leap into my life and I couldn't be more excited. Will these next five months change my life forever? Will I change, become someone I admire or someone I can't stand? What is it that keeps me going? My courage, my strength? I have so much in me that I'm afriad to let out, afriad to be, I love myself, I love the person I am. But sometimes I don't, and that of course is be expected. I want to move to a new place and start over, start my life make peace with myself. Just to make others happy, to have someone be proud of me, be proud that I am apart of their life. Am I that person? That person to admire, to love? One day I will be I am so young I have so much life before me, but right now I am me to the fullest. I can't change what I feel or how I think, I can't change how retarted I can get or how much I fuck up. This is me everyone, take it or leave it.
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| Time: | 10:08 am. |
| Mood: |  lonely. |
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Nobody ever comments in my journal except my girlfriend. That is sad. NO OFFENSE TO YOU HONEY. That just goes to show how many damn friends I have. It's my falut I drive them away. Oh well nothing I can do about. My grandma keeps crying at night before we go to bed. Just about random things especially about me :0(. But we stayed up until like midnight talking about different things. It was fun and then we held hands until we fell asleep. I <3 my grandma. Meh okay I'm done whineing.
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Thursday, August 5th, 2004
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Jackie,
I know you won't be reading this entry for awhile but since I have nothing better to do and you're always on my mind I thought I'd drop you a line =).
I really enjoyed seeing you Tuesday and Wednesday. Thank you for walking me back to Andy's apartment you and I both know I would have gotten lost. It was nice for a whole hour we got to just walk, talk, and touch. Thanks for "taking the plunge" and risking getting arrested you know .. those damn police officers and their gay hand holding laws I tell you, scary stuff =P haha. You're so cute. I really enjoyed seeing you though. It was a long wait eh? I thought I was going to go crazy if I did not get a chance to at least talk to you once before summer ends.
You know we'll get through this. We've come so far now. There is no turning back and we have to be strong even when we are apart for weeks at a time. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" =P. Once this year is over with and we finish high school we'll make it out there in the big world. No matter what we have to face we can do it together. I'm not going to leave you and you should know that by now. I don't want to "see other people" I don't want to leave you and I can't because I love you too much. That's how much you mean to me. If there is that one perfect person out there for everyone you're that one.
Just remember not to listen to all those harsh things your step dad tells you. It's all bullshit and you know it. You're beautiful and you're not wasting your life and I'm not going to run off with some other girl and this love is not fake it's as real as can be. He's a heartless jerk. Just please don't ever give into him you know that's what he wants. I know you're strong. Just one more year Love and you can leave there and not have to worry about them taking you back.
I love you so much. I miss you. It's not too much longer till fair and after that school starts and I'll see you everyday for two hours at vo-tech. Sure we'll have to behave but as long as I'm with you I'll be happy and I'm sure it's the other way around as well I hope.
I just miss you like crazy I wanted you to know that and there isn't a second that goes by where I'm not thinking about you
I Love you.
-Dani
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| Time: | 8:09 pm. |
| Mood: |  sympathetic. |
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Hey guys I'm still alive if anyone cares.
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Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
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Dani it's 5:55 am and I'm here at votech. I can't wait to see you tomorrow and I'll be at my grandma's by three... I love you so very very much have a good day.
Love your wife :)
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| Time: | 5:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  weird. | | Music: | Tori Amos. |
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Just got back from babysitting.... thanks Dani for talking to me for those two hours it made the time go by a lot faster. Thank you again.
My head hurts I'm not sure why. I look very ugly today it's nasty but I'll get over it. Can't help but wonder what's going on outside?
Okay wow I'm done.
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| Time: | 9:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  horny. |
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Long long ass day and it's not over yet. I'm kind of out of it I won't say why or how just for my own safety. My cousion Andy and I got caught up on old times playing basket ball and stuff. My shoulder KILLES... I can barely move it. OWIE... but it's all good. Heh I'm going to go finish off my buzz bye ya'll
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
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HA HA it's so true though.
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Today is really pretty and the sun makes me happy. Yesterday after school I came home and went right to the barn and did some acutal work. I put Gentlemen outside because it was nice out. He is loseing all his winter fur and I hate it! It takes forever for him to lose it! And I can't brush to even make it look nice. Then like a jackass I left him outside until like 7:30p.m because I'm a terrible mother and when I told him that he just nuzzled me and looked at me with pleading eyes. I really am going to miss him. Whenever I leave for weeks on end he gets so restless and when I come home he winnies and plays with my ears and shoe-laces.
There were some guys over working on putting the new bulk tank in yesterdy that kept checking me out. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I think Greg saw that it did and let me leave to go see if I could ride Dream.
Now this makes me sad. When I went to see Dream (horse) she looked so lonely and lost. Her eyes didn't have the sprak in them that they once did. She is getting no attetion or love. I'm not allowed to see her because my parents say she's not my horse so yah. I didn't end up getting to ride her because she was covered in mud and I couldn't stand the sight of her. I almost cried. When I touched her muzzle she didn't even feel my touch. She's lost something and I want to give it back to her but I can't. I know she's just an animal but she needs love and mine isn't enough. Ugh! She should be mine I should own her and take care of her. I'd love her to no end.
Dani baby I miss you and I hope I get to spend sometime with you.
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Thursday, April 1st, 2004
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Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
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If I Were....
If I were a month I would be: November
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday
If I were a time of day I would be: midnight
If I were a planet I would be: Mars
If I were a sea animal I would be: Shark
If I were a direction I would be: North
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Lazyboy
If I were a historical figure I would be: Julias Ceasar
If I were a liquid I would be: Water
If I were a stone, I would be: orange topaz
If I were a tree, I would be: Maple
If I were a bird, I would be: Blue bird
If I were a tool, I would be: Screw
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Rose
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Thunder storm
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Saxaphone
If I were an animal, I would be: Timber Wolf
If I were a color, I would be: Orange
If I were an emotion, I would be: Love
If I were a vegetable, I would be: Corn
If I were a sound, I would be: blue bird song
If I were an element, I would be: zinc
If I were a car, I would be: Mustang
If I were a song, I would be: Ne ver ne bojsia t.A.T.u.
If I were a food, I would be: Pizza roll
If I were a place, I would be: Moscow
If I were a material, I would be: Leather
If I were a taste, I would be: Sweet n' juicy
If I were a scent, I would be: Vinalla
If I were a religion, I would be: Wiccan
If I were a word, I would be: Fuck
If I were an object, I would be: Stick
If I were a body part I would be: Hand
If I were a facial expression I would be: A smile
If I were a subject in school I would be: English
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Zim
If I were a shape I would be: Triangle
If I were a number I would be: 7
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Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
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I'm so out of it today my mind is like BLAH. My knees are so fucked up it really sucks. I know I'm going to be in a wheel-chair by the time I'm 30. Why do i have such weak legs? Owie.
Sometime soon Cindy, Elespeth, and Kylista are taking me to go pick out a formal dress for 'All I Care About Is Love'. Ugh heals but I do quite well for being an uncornated dyke. It's quite funny I think. The production is going really well only that production week is in fact in TWO weeks!!!!!!! Ahh it's coming up so damn fast it's crazy. But I love it. I really love to act and I do it quite well I'm told. When people who saw me for the first time last year were like wow I never knew you could act it was awesome! Then I really showed them up in the Musical by playing a guy! HA Elespeth's dad didn't know I was a girl that's how awesome I was. LOL.
Well I better go ice down some legs. CYA
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Go me I just bought my first library card. I had to pay ten dollars for it though! I think it was for the plastic. Before they were free and paper. My mom said for me to stop by the library so that I could make copies of the heard TB testing crap. So I decided it was time for me to get one. The best part was though she asked to see my drivers license and I actually had one! Does that ever make someone's day.
Mr. B brought my quial over today and I got Leroy! The retarted bird. I had to fight Sarah for him. See when Leroy was a chick Sarah dropped him and now like his head is in his chest but he's so cute when he runs. Awww when I let the others go I'm going to keep Leroy only because I don't want him dead. :0) Shit I'm late for practice bye!
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Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:58 am. |
| Mood: |  angry. |
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.................^^^^ my current mood is............
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I'm so stressing right now. My mom pisses me off so much. She can take all her anger and aggression out on me but heaven forbid she discaplines the other two. They were beating the shit out of each other and I say one word and I get decked. Fuck that. Sorry the prince and princess are too precious to teach a lesson. My mom is just scared of my stepdad.
Watched a great movie last night White Orelander. That movie is so great. Goes to show how a man can totally ruin someone's life. Yes it was all the guys falut. If it weren't for Barry treating her mom so bad she wouldn't have killed him.
Dani I miss you so much. I wish we could be goofing around right now. You checking me out again... *sigh* you make me blush so much. You have no idea how much I love and miss you. Well sexy take care... love you always
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What a beautiful day...
Dani I love you more than anything in this world. You are my everything my future. I'm living for you alone and the love we share. Nothing is going to stop what we have. No one is ever going to come between us no matter what I'm always going to be here. You, my wife are like something I can't live without. I'm not scared to be with you in fact I'm scared to be without you. Don't let people stand in the way of our love. We are perfect for each other and desereve this happieness. Life is so great with you in it and I never want to be without your touch. So finally I love you more than anything in this world.
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Saturday, March 13th, 2004
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You feel happy, and loved. Nothing could be any
better for you....you may even have a love one
in your life....go you. (Please Vote)
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Welcome back to reality Jackie. Today was nice woke up late around ten and went to my dad's and chilled for awhile. Then I drove around for an hour and a half LOST. Damn the town of Addison. But when I found where I was looking for it was well worth it.
Dani you are my light, my true love. Every second with you is well spent and fun. I don't want you to think that we have to make love everytime we go out but today was loads of fun. That park was really cool especally the bridges. Too bad it was cold and non dark or we could have made love there. I always wanted to try it in a creek.
Jesse I hope you had a lot of fun on your date. Hope all went well and you showed that girl what a great guy I have seen. If not then she's the dumb one here.
I feel so like going driving again. Now that I know how to get to Dani's house I need to makes sure I can do it always. Another weekend though sounds good. Oh I am such a good driver. I could have died many times today but oh yah I'm just that good.
Go Jackie!
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Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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Saturday, March 6th, 2004
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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
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Guess who got to drive... me!? Oh yah... Just had to put that sorry. Dani cheer up babe love is all you need and that means I'm all you need okay? Soon baby soon I'll be with you for good with no stops. Love you.
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Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
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| Time: | 10:38 am. |
| Mood: |  groggy. |
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Life is a little weird.... Mr. Fowler you are such a loser! Sorry Dani I had to put that. I got my license yesterday so I am now legal to drive. Doesn't mean I get to but OH WELL! Dani I love you so much you are so beautiful and wonderful never leave me please! Always know that I am here for you no matter what happens. Next weekend I'll be at my dad's.... not this one the NEXT and I'm coming to hang out at Andy's or you can come spend the night again! Well sorry this is so short I'm not in a very writing mood.
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Saturday, February 28th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  impressed. | | Music: | KoRn. |
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FIRST NAME: Jacklyn
BIRTHDAY: Nov. 15 1987
ADDRESS: Wisner Hwy.
GRADE: Junior
LIVING SITUATION: With whoever wants me
SIBLINGS: Sister, two brothers
NAMES: Danielle; Nate; Keegan
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---Appearance---
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HEIGHT: 5'4
HAIR COLOR: Brown.
HAIR STYLE: Short and crappy
EYE COLOR: brown
GLASSES OR CONTACTS: I'm blind both
FRECKLES: In the summer
RIGHTY/LEFTY: Righty
SHOE SIZE: Eight
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---Favorites---
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COLOR: Orange/Yellow/Red
TV SHOW: Powerpuff Girls/ Adventures of Billy and Mandy
MOVIE: The Rocky Horror Picture Show
SONG: Love Bites: Def Lepard
BAND OR GROUP: KoRn.... Prodigy
ANIMAL: Wolf
SCHOOL SUBJECT: English
ICE CREAM: Vanilla
VACATION PLACE: Ireland
MUSIC: Everything
STORE: Cabela's
TV STATION: Cartoon Network
GUM: Uhhh the one I chew?
WEATHER: Fall warm
ACTORS: Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCapro
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---Future---
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IN FIVE YEARS: In a teching job hopefully with someone who loves me.
DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED: When the time is right.
JOB: Lititure teacher
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---Do you...---
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GET MOTION SICKNESS?: No
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Tons
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: When they get along with me
SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?: Yah Rasha but she's wedged in the corner of it I think
DRINK?: Not really
SMOKE?: No
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---Have you---
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BROKEN THE LAW: Maybe once or twice... wait pot isn't legal?
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: Not yet
EVER CHEATED ON A TEST: No
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: No
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Hell yah every night!
~ IN CLASS: Yes
GONE TO CHURCH: Still do :0S
READ THE BIBLE: Yes BOREING
BEEN IN A FIGHT?: Yep I kicked his ass
STAYED HOME ON THE WEEKENDS?: That's every weekend
BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL: Several times
EVER MET SOMEONE FAMOUS: Yes
WENT SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN: Yes! Love it!
CRIED IN PUBLIC: No
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Awww nobody wants to play with me!
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---Which is better?---
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HUGGING OR KISSING: Kissing
MUD WRESTLING OR JELLO WRESTLING: Jello... taste better
WHITE MILK OR CHOCOLATE MILK: White
DEAFNESS OR BLINDNESS: Blindness
SANDALS OR SHOES: Shoes
CD OR TAPE: CD
RAIN, SUN Or SNOW: Snow
PEN OR PENCIL: Pencil
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla
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---When/what was the last...---
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THING YOU PURCHASED: Lunch
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Powerpuff girls
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: The Butterfly Effect
TIME YOU WERE GROUNDED: Last week
WORDS YOU SAID: Padrae
WORDS YOU TYPED: ^ that one
PHONE NUMBER YOU CALLED: Ben's
PERSON YOU TALKED: Milk
SONG YOU HEARD: Nobody's suppose to be here :
PERSON YOU SAW: Daisy (niece)
PERSON YOU HUGGED: Dani
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---Love---
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GIRL/BOYFRIEND: Dani
DO YOU LOVE HIM OR HER?: Only on days that end with 'Y'
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Getting caught loving someone
HAVE YOU EVER SAID "I LOVE YOU" AND MEANT IT?: Only when I say it to her
CHEATED ON SOMEONE: Uh yah.... but they were all guys! So it doesn't matter.
f a v o r i t e s
food: Itallian
girls names: Romie, Stormy
subjects in school: Vo-tech! Goverment... World History
animals: wolf, horse, dragon
sports: football
h a v e y o u e v e r
given anyone a bath?: I do have a little brother
smoked?: Yes
bungee jumped?: I want to so bad!
made yourself throw up?: Was a big thing for me... I was chubby
skinny dipped?: yah but something crawled up somewhere not good!
ever been in love?: Yes
made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Oh yah
pictured your crush naked?: Every night
cried when someone died?: Once
been rejected?: Every damn day!
rejected someone?: No I'm desprite
used someone?: Yes
done something you regret?: Every day
l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched: Daisy
hugged: Dani
you imed: huh?
you yelled at: T.J (dog)
you kissed: Daisy
a r e | y o u
understanding: Yes
open-minded: Yes
arrogant: Helly ya
insecure: trying to get over it!
interesting: yep
random: yes
hungry: 24/7
smart: depends
moody: Yes
hard working: when it's something that I want
organized: no
shy: when I'm talking to a girl
difficult: Yes
attractive: my body is
bored easily: mind games are fun
messy: come look at me
R A N D O M
In the morning i am: night of the living dead
all i need is: attetion
love is: so wonderful
N u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: more than I can stand
of hearts i have broken: I'm a pimp tons!
of guys ive kissed: too many to count
of girls I’ve kissed: more than I have guys
of continents i have lived in: this one?
of tight friends: 2
of cds i own: over 60
of scars on my body: like 5 or 6
F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s
do you like fillings these out?: When I have nothing else to do like now
gold or silver: Silver
what did you have for breakfast this morning?: A doughnut
who would you love being locked in a room with?: Dani and Angelina Jolie
could you live without your computer?: Yes
would you color your hair? I plan on it
habla espanol? un pequena.....
current mood: worried/ excited
current taste: Strawberry Dac.
current hair: like always
current annoyance: headache
current smell: Dani
current thing you ought to be doing: Making out
current jewelry: bracelet and a necklace with a ring on it
current refreshment: nothing cotton mouth
current longing: Dani's lips
current music: Techno
current lyric in your head: my head hurts
current makeup (if you're a girl!): wait I'm a girl? Oh yah I don't wear makeup I have 'natural' beauty.
current desktop picture: Daisy
current plans for tonight/weekend: Spending time with my girl
current cuss word: Holy shit
current amusement: My hat
current love: Dani
current thing or things on your wall: Lots of hot women
current favorite movie: The Rocky Horror Picture Show
10 things you've been listening to a lot lately:
KoRn
Def Lepard
The Plantes
The Offspring
Chichgo
Footloose
Sing! Sing! Sing!
Time Warp
Have you in the past 24 hours:
cried?: yes
gotten in major trouble?: every day
ate a meal?: Like 10
hugged someone?: Yes
kissed someone?: yes
made a new friend?: No
lost something?: Yes
Random weirdness:
Could you ever date a person who isn't really a member of neither sex?: That's a little weird
What about a transvestite?: Only if it was Tim Curry
Are you a homo-phobic?: I don't think that'd fit with my sexual preferance
Arachnophobia?: No
Afraid of heights? Nope love them
If you could go anywhere you wanted, where would you go?: Anywhere with Dani
And now for something completely different:
Are you in love?: I try to think so
Had your heart broken?: Yes
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?: Yes
Will you ever get married?: Yes
Do you want to get married?: Yes
Do you want any kids?: Maybe
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You're Canada!
People make fun of you a lot, but they're stupid because you've
got a much better life than they do. In fact, they're probably just jealous.
You believe in crazy things like human rights and health care and not
dying in the streets, and you end up securing these rights for yourself and
others. If it weren't for your weird affection for ice hockey, you'd be
the perfect person.
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid
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You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!
by John Irving
Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
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I did it! I passed my driving test. However easy it might seem. But I did it. For a second I thought I wasn't going to pass and then the words of relief flooded to my ears. The whole time I was driving I kept thinking "I'm doing this for her" Dani you got me though it babe! Now on mondy I'm ging to go get that little piece of paper that says 'JACKIE CAN DRIVE ON THE ROAD ALONE' I like the ring of that it sounds good don't you think?
On a different note I watched a good movie this morning Looney Toons: Back in Action. I recomend it to anyone with a small sense of humor like mine. It really made me laugh... that's because I love the looney toons you will not find a funnier cartoon in your entire life.
When I got home I took a shower to wash off all the sweat that I produced during the driving. It was really hot in my car for some odd reason. I did pairalle parking perfect! We took the Jeep though. That was a switch but it's all good because I still passed so go me! Wow today has gone by fast and that's great! I long to see Dani and hopefully she isn't still sore at me still. I guess yesterday I made her mad or something like usual. I can't ever win with girls. But it was nice to see her for longer than two seconds. Tonight might be good though ;0). I have a suprise for her... she'll just have to wait and find out.
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jkmack77's journal
sad.
discontent.
crazy.
accomplished.
satisfied.
